SALT in the Family: Why would I need to be the SALT expert?

I have been enjoying many conversations lately with friends in the Constellation around how we as CLCP facilitators apply ‘naturally’ SALT as a way of working in our own lives as well. Sometimes we say jokingly ‘don’t try this at home’ when it comes to Support, Appreciate, Learn and Transfer in the private circle.

Is SALT in our own family sometimes difficult because we fall into an old trap: we think it is up to us to be the expert?

A small remark from my daughter this week made me realize that things become much lighter and easier when you just appreciate the SALT in others and have your eyes open for it. From there, there are new avenues for learning!

My daughter started her first year in university in a new country. She is enjoying a lot all kinds of introduction activities that are offered to her in town and at uni.  Lucky me there is Skype those days, so I can ask her many questions every evening and live this period with her. One of my questions was “are there nice people?”  She casually answered: “Of course mum. Every person everywhere is nice if you take the effort go into a conversation with him. Only if you decide not to talk with some-one because of their appearance you might think it is not a nice person”. Ouf! I got my SALTy lesson there. My question was very unSALTy in fact J… I failed as the SALT expert in da house.

So now I know that also here I don’t need to be the expert. I only need to open my ears and will be able to improve.

Now, I am looking forward to test the following principle for action. Who joins?

“When we realise we are not the expert, we are ready to start learning from SALT in the family!”

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Comment by Joke D´haese on September 13, 2016 at 8:17pm

Thank you for sharing this powerful story Marlou! Rituu just asked me if I transferred SALT to my dad because he did the facilitators training. I would rather say he is my teacher in living like this. There is so much in his daily actions that I can appreciate and learn from. In my experience, transfer is not so much about transferring something from me to the other, as it is about recognizing a spark of SALT in the other and expressing that. This creates a link between me and the other. We care about the same things, we recognize the spark and we feel connected.   

Comment by Milka on September 13, 2016 at 8:03pm

So true, helped me to get in good relationships with my mother) Thanks to Rituu this happened

Comment by Rituu B. Nanda on September 13, 2016 at 7:28pm

I liked the authenticity in your writing. As SALT practitioners we have to continuously evaluate ourselves on our practise of SALT- this is my takeaway from you. SALT looks easy but is very hard and therefore surrounding myself with team mates like you helps in my own practise:-) Thank you very much.


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