My birthday is on the 29th of February, this year its non existent. its a convenient excuse for being THE strange one too...
I turned 31 this year.
When i was 25, i knew for sure that ill die when i turn 30, I have to!...think about wrinkles that come in your 30s and you cant party that much too, you have to do adult things and turn into a driftwood, a raisin too.Is that a life..eeeewwww.
Im 31 and im still living
And its never been better
On my birthday i received a GIFT.....(well ive started getting it actually last year, feels like ive been opening the present for a whole year, and this year, i got to the smallest box hidden inside so many boxes that i started opening a year ago)
I just wish, i still had my family this year, but then again maybe this is my family's gift to me on my birthday, to remind me that they are never truly gone and in fact still remembers my birthday...I choke up with gratefulness.
I am just happier and feel more alive and grateful.
I have been given the gift of LOVE and insight. its like a whole new world full of the beating hearts of humanity, everything just clicked in place. and im not talking about the external circumstances of my life...The gift is more than that, its aum mane padme ohm, its the jewel in the lotus...
Why do I write bout this in this forum? because i have never understood or seen the competence framework as i see it now...New ways of thinking, new ways of working? I understood it when it was introduced,and developed a "crush" but now i do not only understand it. i am aching to share it with the world, I have fallen in love....and remember in your teens, when you get this feeling, you will burst anytime if you do not express this overwhelmingly good feeling inside you, you want to shout it to the world, because you want the world to share this joy?...
The world that we know (which is really just a soap opera that we "enjoy" is a reflection of the world we have inside of us)
If there is to be world peace, there has to be individual inner peace...
If there is to be no new HIV infections, There has to be inner love....If we all understand that we are loved beyond our futile descriptions of love, we will not look for it outside of us, putting our selves at risk of rejection,of disease and emotional pain...We dont have to.
Sure circumstances are there to teach us life lessons.
But if we just LISTENED, the lessons are there, we do not have to go thru the extremes of circumstances....I know now what trust and believing really truly means.
MY reality is different...its full of power and potential and joy...
I truly, truly pray that my friends working on HIV get this too.
I know people who have the most sincere of intentions, the purest of thoughts in helping People Living with HIV and AIDS. Have devoted their entire careers and lives in the advocacy....
Where are we now, the philippine epidemic is now rapidly expanding...
It is UNFAIR to blame anyone for what has happened and is continually happening.
What is interesting is to decide where to go from here...
and i have DECIDED that i can be the only person responsible for my own happiness, and OLD ways of thinking and doing does not make me happy anymore and im moving on.....
What i see has happened in the philippines is co-dependency...
I need you- you need me, I can only have access thru you- I can only feel self fulfillment (esteem) if people depend on me....I think its silly, its the sopa opera lives that we see on tv.
People living with HIV/AIDS are well people in fact all of us say that they have the same potentials as anyone else...then why do we feel "if were not here, who will help them" ARE WE REALLY HELPING THEM or are we helping ourselves feel better by having this feeling that people need us? That we derive self worth from doing the things we do?
We keep on saying were stressed, why do we continue to stay? do we enjoy the pity that people give us when they say "poor_____ is taking care of people,________doesnt have time to take care of himself" Do we feel self worth from these comments?
I think what this does, is disrespect your self, you continuously abuse your body in return for somethings that is always there inside all of us, peace, joy, happiness. every breathe we take means we are worthy...If we just LISTENED and not be caught up in this soap opera of externals. its a CHOICE.
I have given up taking care of people...(which does not mean i will not do it, just differently maybe) when i realized that we all are potentially as powerful as everyone is.we can take care of ourselves and people will take care of themselves. I think my advocacy has stopped being about HIV... I have decided to take on the advocacy of spreading LOVE and making people feel loved and worthy....
tomorrow we will have a meeting...if my team mates feel that new ways of thinking is not a solution to what they see is a growing concern-increasing HIV rates, (i see this as a symptom of a spiritual ailment/lack,want of love-the rates i mean) then i will let go.... I am just not going that way anymore....I have a journey and if people are going the same way im am going then it will be a fun joyful ride...get on the bus!!!!!
If not....I have decided, the deal is done, I am sure, I know
I am loved and taken cared of, my mission is service.
Only done in a different way- LOVING.
Sure im different.... hehehe i was born on the 29th of February anyways.
Its my life i live it. if people decide their soap opera lives of pain, pity and a deep well of despair-Then that's "the free will" that we are given,- the choice to live a life of fullness, joy and happiness, or live a soap opera life....
"our true essence is freedom"
Its a choice....I just hope when i share this GIFT i got on my birthday.....the people I share it with, will see its beauty and truth too.
Come get some, the magic of this gift is it grows day by day,I can only have MORE to share... its so unlike "things" that grow old and you get tired of.
everywhere and everything,is screaming LOVE everytime. take it, claim it, its our birthright! (and i perfectly "got it" on my birthday. OMG my life is perfect!
But then again, i was born of the 29th of february...(shrug)
take it or leave it. But im offering it.
Love and Light