A New Perspective on Masculinity

[Shahrukh Atpade]

While I was having a discussion with Sangram Patole, his father came there and joined us. I began a conversation with him. He started asking me questions like, “Where have you come from? Where do you stay?” I answered all his questions, and with a gentle smile on his face, he said to me, “When I was your age, I used to be very shy to talk with people.”

That opened the door for a deeper conversation, and we continued talking. When I asked him about his dream, without wasting even a second, he pointed towards his son and said, “I always dreamed of seeing my son in uniform, in the clothes of a police officer. And that dream was fulfilled by my son.”

When I asked him how he supported his son, he replied, “I am a farmer. Whatever grew in my fields, I sold it to run the house. My son was fully aware of our family’s struggles, and with his own hard work, he kept moving forward and finally achieved this dream. That gives me the greatest satisfaction. Today, I don’t need to work anymore, because my son has fulfilled all my dreams.”

Towards the end of our conversation, I asked him a few questions about masculinity. I was expecting him to respond like many other men I had spoken with earlier, but what he shared was different and quite insightful. He said, “In our time, men were called ‘gadi manush’ (strong men). Tough, powerful, full of energy. I used to eat 3 to 4 thick rotis at one sitting, and drink 2 liters of milk. In those days, men didn’t keep things inside their hearts. They used to speak openly, share everything, and feel lighter. Men worked hard in the fields, while women managed the household. And in this system, no one felt any problem.”

I then asked him, “Do you feel there is any disadvantage in being a man? What responsibilities do you think men have towards the family?”

He responded thoughtfully, “That is our duty. That’s why men have been made strong. Even God must have created us with some purpose in mind. We can speak directly and honestly at home without fear. But nowadays, men seem to have become more silent and sad. They are under constant pressure because of the rising expectations from their families. I never really thought about this before, but after you asked me, I feel like sharing it now.”

He also added, “I have seen men like me who don’t hold back anything in their hearts. Being a man never felt like a burden to them.”

When I asked, “Do you think women are fully capable of managing the family, or is it always the man’s responsibility?” he gave a very meaningful answer: “Sometimes situations are such that a man has no choice. If the woman goes out to work, and the man has to stay home to look after the children, society often sees this as shameful for men. People think it’s not right. That’s why men are forced to keep working in some way or another.”

This conversation was truly eye-opening for me. A 55-year-old man, with traditional roots, was blending old thoughts with new perspectives and beautifully expressing not only his own views but also the way society perceives men. For me, this was a very enriching and unique experience.