Masculinity, Expectations, and a Young Man’s Voice

[Shahrukh Atpade]

For the last few days, I have been visiting young people, men, and elderly people in Nandwal village to understand the impact of the SALT and Masculinity discussions held there. Today, I visited the village with the same purpose.

After finishing my visits, I saw a young man sitting with a bag on his back. When I went closer, I realized it was Rohan. We met and, while talking, sat in the shade under the milk dairy. We have known each other for the past 3–4 months, but we never got a chance to sit calmly and talk before.

During the discussion, I learned that he works in painting and putty work. At that time, he was waiting for his friend to go to work. Our conversation started naturally. At the beginning of the SALT activity, I openly shared some experiences from my own school life. This made him feel comfortable, and he started sharing his own experiences.

He told me about an incident that happened while he was returning from work. It was night, and vehicles were passing on the road. Suddenly, a middle-aged man and woman fell from a vehicle. Instead of helping, people stood on the side watching, and some just left. Without wasting a moment, Rohan helped them move to a safe place beside the road. He brought a bottle of water from a nearby hotel, made them sit down, and cleaned their wounds with water. Later, he informed their relatives by phone and tried to give them first aid.

This incident showed Rohan’s humanity and good nature. He was talking, and I was only listening. From this conversation, I understood that he is also under mental stress, especially because of the expectations placed on him as a man.

I slowly turned the discussion toward masculinity, and he started speaking more openly. He lives with his parents and elder brother. He does not like painting or putty work at all, but because of family pressure and his age, he feels he must do some kind of work. He has received job offers from other places, but his family does not allow him to go. His elder brother often says things like, “It’s too far,” “You won’t manage,” or “What do you even know how to do?”

I asked him, “Being a man is not easy, but do you feel there is any benefit to being a man?”
He gave a very thoughtful answer. He said that if sharing his pain with someone helps reduce it, then that itself is a benefit—and he has experienced this. At home, people sometimes say things that hurt him, but he cannot reply rudely to elders, so he stays quiet. He wants to do something meaningful in life. Even though he does not have financial problems, he is searching for emotional happiness and peace at home. He wants to do something so that his parents and elder brother can live happily and with satisfaction.

He also shared that he wants to stop this kind of work tradition in the village. Recently, he and his friend Sameer Patil stopped doing painting work. They studied in the same class and share many things with each other. He feels that the step they have taken is a big one, and he wants to follow the same path and bring change in his own life.

At the end of the discussion, we agreed that just as one person starts change from within, others also have the desire to change. What is important is recognizing support from the family, understanding one’s inner strength, and then taking the next step forward.