Unspoken Struggles: A SALT Conversation on Masculinity and Change

[Shahrukh Atpade]

On the evening of September 4th, I went to Nandwal village for my regular SALT activity. As I walked through Patil Galli, I noticed a man standing outside his house. I introduced myself and asked if he could spare some time for a conversation. He gladly agreed, and our discussion began.I asked him if he could recall any joyful events in his life. Without a moment’s delay, he shared: I used to be a farmer. But now, I supply milk in the city. I own six cows, and that’s how we run our household. There was one house where I regularly delivered milk. A young woman would always come out with a pot to collect it. One day, I noticed she came out crying. The same thing happened the next day, and the next… This continued for about 15 days. Finally, I asked her, ‘Why are you crying?’ She replied, ‘My husband beats me every day. I had fallen in love with a boy from another caste. Since my family opposed it, we eloped and got married. After six months, our parents forgave us and brought us back home. But now, my husband drinks every night and assaults me. That evening, he went home determined to find a way to help. I came up with an idea,” he said with a smile. “I called my friend and dressed him up as a holy man. The next day, we met her husband and explained the harms of alcohol. Then we told him there was a holy man who had medicine to quit drinking. The following day, my friend dressed up again, and we gave the husband neem juice as the ‘medicine.’ And surprisingly, it worked. It has been 16 years since that incident. The man has never touched alcohol again. Today, his family life is peaceful. And even now, whenever I deliver milk to their house, I remember that moment.

I asked, “Why did you feel like helping her?”

He replied, Every time I saw her tears, I thought of my own daughter. I couldn’t bear it, so I stepped in to help. The friend who dressed as the holy man still lives here in Nandwal. Whenever we meet, we recall this story. Helping her gave me immense joy.After this, I shifted the conversation toward masculinity, because several questions had come to my mind.I asked, “Just as that woman expressed her pain by crying, can men do the same? Did you ever ask her husband if he too was going through something? After a brief silence, he said, Now I feel I should have asked him. I only thought of the woman. Honestly, I too find it hard to express myself sometimes. I cannot share everything with my family. I have two sons, and they are just like me—they never express what’s in their hearts either. But talking to you today made me feel lighter.”

I asked, “How do you feel after sharing this? He said, I feel much better. Because being a man is not easy. Somehow, we get through our days. But the struggles our children face—only they know them. Yes, something can definitely be done, but I feel men and boys hesitate to open up, especially with people they know.”That day’s SALT conversation was not just a discussion. It was a mirror, reflecting not only the suffering of women but also the unspoken struggles of men. It taught me that real change will only come when both women and men open their hearts, listen to one another, and stand together.