How do we say ‘thank you’ in a profound way? A way that connects us on a deeper level, by which we can learn and improve ourselves. I saw an inspiring lecture of Marchall Rosenberg, the founder of ‘Non Violent Communication’
, were he explained the key to express our gratitude. We can also use these steps to express what we appreciate in communities we visit.
Marchall explained that at one of his workshops, a woman came to see him and said: “Marchall, you are brilliant!”
Marchall looked surprised and said: “Thank you for saying that, but what did I do?
She said: “Mmm… well, you gave me specific communication tools and I liked what you said there and there,” giving a few examples.
“How do you feel now that you have learned this?” he asked. She said: “I feel hopeful and relieved.”
“What need of yours is being met?” She said: “I have a need to connect with my daughter and I failed to do this for a long time.”
In this simple example, Marchall shows us in 3 steps how we can move from a superficial “You are brilliant” to a deeper response that answers facts, feelings and needs.
Step 1: Express what the person did that you appreciate (and be specific)
Step 2: Express your feelings
Step 3: Which need in your own life is being met through the actions of this person?
This technique resonated with me because it is so simple and it comes from the heart. I always strive for deeper connections. Our words can create heaven or hell. We often underestimate the power of our words –whether we talk to others or ourselves-. Through step 2 and 3, we express how it applies in our own life (yes yes Transfer).
Maybe we can try it out on Ning when we express our gratitude :) ?
I tried it out with my yoga teacher at the end of the class. It was wonderful :) Try it out for yourself...