Encouraging self to appreciate other strenthgs

Last week I was visited by NGO namely RESIC in which I become one of its' advisor. We plan to have garbage project at my residence site. They were six members of RESIC. Three young lecturers (F) and others were students of them (2F and 1 M). Lecturers dominated discussion and the rest and me silently listened. Finally they asked me to speak. I thougth its my show time. I asked Lina, a student, to think about Ai's strentghs, another student. Others were look at me, and asked me why did I do so. I just invited Lina to speak. Then we know Ai, the silent member, are very detail and consistent member who ia also very comitted and equip her self with complete notes of every single discussion we had at NGO.

I invited, Tata- a young lecturer. she shared to us Lina's strenghts. Tata could not escape from being taught Lina what should Lina do according her strengths. Tata also critisizing Lina about her last performance. And certaintly Lina was embarassed. But then Tata corrected her statement.

What I learned is that, we need to feel to be equal isn't it? to be able to see objectively other strenghts. Previously, I felt so cool if I could suggest others to what should be and what shouldn't be. No I try to eliminate this. Thanks Ai, Lina and Tata..you three were bridging me afford this level of conscientization.

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Comment by wiwin winarni on December 29, 2009 at 2:16pm
Dear Laurence for translating me Mike Nzenga's post. Kindly send him my best regards. I was enjoying reading his changing process from being center of everything to be everywhere with others, in others. That what wonderfull feels and soft changing.

Many thanks Laurence and Mike
Comment by Laurence Gilliot on December 23, 2009 at 3:31pm
Translation of Mike's message:

Good sharing, Wiwin.

I'll join you to say ...

I have long lived in the shoes of another, throughout my youth.
I was at the center of everything; Talking about the other, that was maybe the beginning of a war that drove the consideration for the others.

Did my way of looking at things allow me to consider the other? It may be there the beginning of the healing as I began to understand that something was not ok, and that I needed a stimulant.

Some time later I understood what to do. Join the team of facilitators and remain there as long as possible. This practice began to relieve me.

Like a mad, I enjoyed releasing what was hidden in me. My real me: the me in the extreme. (I wasn't at the center anymore)
Instead, I realized it was important to believe in others, as others had believe in me.
And one of the most remarkable things is that I changed the way I looked at others. Women and men, young and old, all are like me, we are equal.

I quickly made the connection between what I found in them and in myself as a force. There was as a point of intercession, where the hands cross / join to become stronger. I listened and appreciated. And now I have undergone a real transformation.

I have not drawn the strength from outside. The others helped me / stimulated me by joining them, to understand that I had something to give, they felt like I was like them (?).

What is serious now is that they have taught me not to limit myself. To connect to others to become more competent.

True equality is to believe in what the other is, to help him to discover himself, change and become like everyone.

Thank you, change is gradual ...

Happy New Year 2010 to all teams and especially those in Bali.

Comment by Samuel Michael MUSEY on December 22, 2009 at 9:42pm
Bon partage, Wiwin.

Je te rejoins pour dire...

J'ai longtemps vécu dans la peau d'un autre, pendant toute ma jeunesse.
Le Moi était au centre de tout; parler de l'autre, c'était peut être là le début d'une guerre qui chassait la considération pour l'autre.

Est-ce ma façon de voir les choses me permettait de considérer l'autre? C'était peut être là le début de la guérison car je commençais à comprendre qu'il y avait un ça ne va pas, et qu'il me manquait un stimulant.

Quelque temps après j'ai compris ce qu'il fallait faire. Rejoindre l'équipe des facilitateurs et y demeurer aussi longtemps. Pratique qui commençait à me soulageait.

Comme une folie, je m'amusais à faire sortir ce qui était caché en moi. Mon réel moi; le moi à l'extrême. (je n'étais plus au centre)
J'ai plutôt réalisé qu'il était important de croire aux autres comme ils m'ont cru.
Et l'une des choses les plus remarquables c'est que j'avais changé cette façon de voir les autres. Femmes et hommes, petits et vieillards, tous sont comme moi; nous sommes égaux.

J'ai vite fait le lien entre ce que j'ai découvert en eux et en moi comme force. Il y a eu comme un point d'intercession, le lieu où les deux mains se croisent/joignent pour devenir plus fortes. J'ai les écouté et apprécié. Et, voilà que j'ai subi une réelle transformation.

Je n'ai pas puisé la force de l'extérieur. Les autres m'ont aidé/stimulé en m'associant à eux, à comprendre que j'avais quelque chose à donner; ils ont estimé que j'étais comme eux pour me restituer autant que je pouvais le faire.

Ce qui est grave aujourd'hui c'est qu'ils m'ont appris à ne pas me limiter. A me connecter aux autres afin de devenir encore compétent.

La vraie égalité c'est dans la croyance de ce qu'est l'autre, dans l'aide qu'on lui apporte pour pouvoir se découvrir, changer et devenir semblable à tous.

Merci, le changement est progressif...

Bonne année 2010 à toutes les équipes et surtout à ceux de BALI.

Comment by Laurence Gilliot on December 21, 2009 at 9:49pm
Dear Wiwin,

Thank you for your blog :-) It is great to read that you found the courage to invite students to speak up in front of 'expert lecturers'.

I like what you say about 'we need to feel equal'. It is true: We are so different and still equal. Old or young, experienced or less experiences, rich or poor, ... we can always connect on a human level and find common ground when we look deeper. And the way we can connect on a deeper level as equal beings is to look for strengths and express them to the other person.

At the same time, when we appreciate a person's strengths we celebrate our differences. We complement and help each other because we are different. Just some thoughts...

Take care and keep up the great work!



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