A Conversation on Masculinity with Chandar Ulpe

[Shahrukh Atpade]

Chandar Ulpe, age 60. We’ve known each other for about a year now, and our bond has grown stronger through SALT conversations. He often interacts with the youth group and inspires them.

When we met him this time, he was busy with farming work, yet he took time out for us. Because of our friendly relationship, we spent the first ten minutes chatting about various topics. He appreciated the young boys for starting the Lezim activity. During an earlier SALT conversation, he had shared many beautiful memories from his youth about playing Lezim, and those memories came alive again before my eyes.

After some time, I began a discussion on the topic of masculinity. Many important points emerged from this conversation. He shared some personal examples and spoke about the pain and helplessness that come with being born as a man. He said that a father always raises his son within the boundaries of societal expectations. The key points he highlighted were as follows:

• The responsibility of sustaining and providing for the family is placed on men.
• Society has deeply ingrained the belief that women are weak and incapable.
• There is an expectation that men must always appear strong; as a result, they hide their pain and tears, which suppresses their emotions.
• The traditional belief still exists that decision-making power in the home or society should rest with men, which disrupts gender equality.
• Seeking emotional support is considered a weakness for men, so many men suppress their feelings and avoid sharing them.
• People have not realized that we ourselves are the society.
• Since men don’t usually express emotions, they try to open up through small games, gatherings, or casual conversations.
• Addiction has become a medium for men to express their emotions.
• A man’s life begins with work in the morning and ends with work in the evening.

The points he shared during this discussion were very meaningful. In all my conversations with men on the topic of masculinity so far, I’ve observed that men are now beginning to express their inner emotions. Society may change, but changing the mindset is a much greater challenge.

In my opinion, societal support is equally necessary for this transformation. As a man myself, I too am bound by many thoughts everything revolves around “what will people say.”
These conversations on masculinity are teaching me many new things and helping me reflect deeply.