When sharing is scary...

[Olivia Munoru]

I have had "writer's block" for 3 months....

........Or at least that's the excuse I used. I believed it at first. I had 4 weeks of back-to-back field trips, learning a new language, new friends, new places, and an overwhelming sense that I had bitten off more CLCP, ACP, Gender Competence and UNFPA SALT mainstreaming.... than I can chew.

After every field-trip or SALT visit, I would log on to the NING site and start blogging away about the new experiences, the amazing people I had met, and the learnings I had gained. But, like a cliche'd scene from a movie, I would virtually scrunch up every unfinished blog and chuck it in the bin. I never could understand why I did this, but something stopped me, every time.

It's like I was.... scared of sharing!

Why do we need to share?

Sharing is like setting something free. Once released, there is no limit to what an idea, an experience or some insight can do. Lives can be changed through sharing.

Sharing Gender Competence was the reason that Pak Abram* from Papua stopped thinking he had to win every argument with his wife. It is the reason he put his fists down one day and chose to use his ears instead.

Sharing her story with other women was the reason Ibu Min* from Papua, who usually kept quiet in meetings, became a confident public speaker and facilitator.

Sharing stories of change was the reason that the stakeholders in UNFPA HIV programs, people from high levels of government, women from remote communities, NGO's and the UN came together and proclaimed "we are ALL human. we ALL have strengths".

Sharing through SALT is the reason that Macy*, a member of the YSS "Trans School", said that "YSS didn't just give me information on HIV, it gave me love".

Sharing is the reason that UNFPA Indonesia has decided to mainstream SALT and CLCP into their 8th Country Program. Staff like Rebeka, Widad, Wiwin, Lily and Chandra are role-models of SALTiness. They share the philosophy of SALT just in their every-day demeanor. It shines through when people love their work, and these people are definitely shining!

Sharing is the essence of connecting as humans.

Without it, we walk alone.

So why is sharing so hard sometimes...? These are some of the things I have been reflecting on since I caught this terrible bout of Writer's Block.

1. Sharing requires taking a risk. We have to trust those that we share with, that they will receive our story or our idea in an appreciative way.

2. When we share, we must be ok with being vulnerable. There is always that risk that someone will judge you.

3. Sharing requires effort. It takes a lot of energy to tell good stories or write blogs! It definitely takes a lot of energy to create a Knowledge Asset!

4. Before we share we have to reflect. This, to me, is the hardest part - the internal analysis that occurs before we can package up that story for distribution. We have to ask ourselves "what happened?" "What did I learn from this" "How can this experience help others...?". (sound familiar?)

But yet, in CLCP, people share with us every day.

Imagine what it is like for community members with HIV to share their story?

Imagine what it is like for a young girl facing unplanned pregnancy?

Imagine what it is like for a man who regularly beats his wife to admit his folly?

Sharing must be scarey for them too.

I have a personal story that I am not ready to share openly. It is the story of what shaped who I am today, and why I do this work. It is a big part of what makes me human.

I rarely share this story with even my closest friends.

The other day I met a woman with warm eyes and an even warmer heart. It was during a SALT visit. It was supposed to be me doing the SALT visit, but something about her strength and her openness made me start to feel that I could share with her.

I told her my story. She didn't say much. She just listened and held my hand.

She looked in my eyes with a connection and understanding that I will never forget. I felt accepted and appreciated.... I felt loved.

This experience taught me that when we share we become free of pain.

It helped me to realise that this is something I must do for others. I must make it easy to share. I must facilitate not just by setting particular activities, but by creating the right atmosphere. I must offer the warmth and quiet understanding that this lady offered me.

Thank you for letting me share with you today.

O

[Autry Haynes]

Dear Olivia, what remarkable encouragement. To share is to reduce stress but it could be difficult based on the experience that has to be shared. Sometimes deep within one, there is the strong desire to share, but to do so requires courage and energy. Sometimes motivation is needed and there is where Facilitation / Facilitator plays a major role. Yes a facilitator in facilitation needs to stimulate/support, appreciate, listen, as well as show empathy. Thank you so much Olivia.

[Olivia Munoru]

Hi Rituu,

How funny that trust between people can be gained through laughter! I just read JL's blog and he talked about dancing before a community meeting in Mali. I am sure there would have been some laughter there too ;-). By the sounds of the story, it led to a great meeting with a strong atmosphere of trust.

In the same way, your joke made you really human. Humour is so powerful!

Now, unfortunately JL's blog is in French, which we know is not your strong point, but at least there is Google Translate!!! ;-)

[Olivia Munoru]

Wiwin, thank you so much for your comment and your love as always. I didn't know you struggle with sharing too. You are always so good at blogging and you have an amazing memory for stories! I enjoyed listening to you share these stories when we were at Tasik last time.

Nevertheless, it is true that many of us do find it hard to share from time to time, but then, when we do - it always leads to such positive things - for ourselves, for others, for learning, for transfer.......

[Rituu B. Nanda]

Dear Olivia,

If this is the result of a writer's block I wish some for myself. Loved your fantastic blog, straight from the heart. Thanks.

For me sharing is all about how much I trust the other person. I can comfortably share with people I trust. I am always amazed when I go to the community and hear community members share openly about their very intimate experiences, their fears, their relationships and so many other things which I would find to share so easily.

For the facilitator the key is gaining the trust of the community. We encourage others to trust us when we are willing to take people into our confidence, and share our views, thoughts and experiences with them. Today I am facilitating an event and we were discussing the expectations of the workshop. A community woman got up and said that though she had attended many workshops she wasn't able to grasp much. I responded saying that I am worse. It took me one month to learn how to say good night in French. The group had a good laugh and then the thoughts just poured in. And it was deep sharing, not just a superficial one.

With love,

Rituu

[Olivia Munoru]

Hi Laurence! Thank you for your lovely comment. It's great to hear your insights.

I like what you say about No 4. Having a sounding board is just so important, and offers a good solution to these "blockages" we feel from time to time. Perhaps we need to encourage new CLCP facilitators to connect regularly with experienced facilitators for casual mentoring.. like a buddy program!

Your questions about creating the right atmosphere for sharing are interesting. One of the reasons SALT is so valuable is because this is what it sets out to do. But from my experience with the writer's block I realised that it was ME causing the blockage. I had created an atmosphere where I didn't appreciate my own experiences.. I didn't feel they were worthy of sharing - that nobody would be interested. SO basically I need to start applying SALT on myself more! (this is the reflection part... like you say, it goes hand in hand with sharing!!!)

Cheers Laurence!

Olivia

[wiwin winarni]

Dear Olivia...

Luar Biasa, wonderful dan powerful sharing...It just helping also articulating my problem of sharing too. I do thanks you. I learned also your writing. The English is so cool!!

Keep sharing Oli, I do believe you are free woman. So sharing even this scary and sometimes painfull this could change our life.

Love you so..
Wiwin

[Laurence Gilliot]

Olivia, this is a beautiful sharing. You touched something deep inside me because you share from your heart.

Sharing and Listening go hand in hand. We can only share if someone listens deeply to us. Not to offer solutions, not to jump in and compare with other experiences... just being present, with compassion and open heart.

How can we as facilitators stimulate people to share? How can we create the right atmosphere?
How can we encourage you to share in this online community without blockage? Is there anything that I or we could do to help you and others who also have a block? Many questions :-)

My challenge is n°4: reflecting before I share. I find it easier to reflect on an event when I can talk to someone, reflect together, brainstorm. It is difficult for me to do that by myself. I need a sounding board. Do you feel the same?
Sometimes it also helps for me to just start writing. Just write and see what comes out. Externalizing verbally or written helps to reflect. To share, we need to reflect, but to reflect we sometimes need to share :-)

Thanks again for inspiring me!

Laurence