Open Conversations: A Path to Healthy Masculinity

[Shahrukh Atpade]

I met Sachin Shinde, a 34-year-old farmer from Nandwal village. He had just returned from the fields, tired, and was sitting at his doorstep with a mobile phone in his hand. I approached him and asked for some time, and when I started the conversation, he happily agreed. His wife is currently working as a member of the Nandwal Gram Panchayat.
I shared with him some information about the Joyful Village research, where the community members themselves had taken initiative and worked. He expressed thoughtful opinions about it. While talking about the suicides that had occurred in the village, he said:
I have never attended the funeral of anyone who died by suicide in this village. Because in my view, it was wrong. Their intention was not to die, but to scare their families and to force them into fulfilling unnecessary demands. In reality, those who took this extreme step, in their last moments, have said only one thing—‘I don’t want to die, I want to live.’ The Gram Panchayat even made a resolution that banners should not be put up for those who died by suicide, so that other youth would understand that such decisions do not make any real difference to people’s lives. It should be clear to them that such acts have no impact on the community.
When asked about the children in the village, he said, Today’s children are under the heavy burden of responsibility. I meet many of them and I have seen closely how they take on family responsibilities and fulfill them by working hard.
During this conversation, I felt this was the right moment to bring up the topic of masculinity. So I asked him, Do men express themselves? Do men feel helpless when responsibilities fall on them?
He replied thoughtfully, I am a farmer, and I speak openly with my father, wife, and mother. Whatever the situation may be, we always discuss it together. Even if we fight, it lasts only for a short time. A man also gets the opportunity to express his feelings. Women also work as much as men, only their work happens within four walls. Yet, a woman shares her thoughts with her husband. Then why should a man hesitate to speak? I talk, and that is why I do not face mental distress. Everyone in the world has tension. But does that mean everyone feels helpless? Does everyone take extreme steps? No. Then what is our problem? Women and men are equal. It is men who have suppressed women. Among men, only a few think seriously about their future. Truly, being a man is difficult. To keep them happy and mentally strong, men should be involved in different discussions and activities.
From this conversation, I realized that Sachin is not only a farmer and a family man, but also someone who reflects deeply on social responsibilities and masculinity. His words showed me that open communication within the family provides strong support and resilience.