Breaking barriers: Transforming Social Norms in our community

[Madhu]

As a facilitator and a member of the Triveni community, I recently witnessed a small but meaningful change in our village.

Our community is marginalized and strongly influenced by patriarchal norms. Women, especially daughters-in-law and younger women, are often expected to remain silent in front of fathers-in-law, elder brothers-in-law, and other respected men of a community. It is uncommon for women to openly share their opinions and thoughts in community meetings.

We are conducting Group SALT sessions in the community, and we usually gather men and women separately because it is a long-standing tradition that men and women do not participate or express their views freely in the same meeting.

However, when our partner organization, CWSN, planned a visit to Triveni community, we decided to do something different and organize a joint meeting with both men and women. This was something new for our community, and we were unsure how people would respond.

To our surprise, both men and women participated actively. What impressed me most was that women spoke confidently about the problems in their community and shared their ideas for solutions. They spoke openly in front of their fathers-in-law, elder brothers-in-law, and other respected men something that had rarely happened before. The women’s confidence and courage amazed everyone. Many of them had never spoken publicly before, yet they expressed their thoughts clearly and actively took part in the discussion.

What was equally encouraging was the response from the men. They listened respectfully to the women and discussed community issues together. Men and women worked side by side to find solutions to the challenges they faced. For the first time, I witnessed such unity and mutual respect in our community.

This experience was especially meaningful to me because I am not only a facilitator but also a daughter-in-law in the same community. My own father-in-law was present at the meeting. At first, I felt hesitant to speak because of the social norms I had grown up with. However, I realized that if I hesitated, I would not be setting an example for other women. So, I gathered my courage and successfully facilitated the meeting. 

SALT has helped me recognize my own strengths and capacities. It has also improved my relationship with my husband and family, I feel that through SALT, I have overcome my fear and shyness. It has increased my confidence and given me the courage to raise my voice for myself and for the betterment of my community. After the session, my father-in-law shared a very positive reaction. At home, we usually do not have many discussions, but that day he told me, “You seem to have overcome your fear,  you spoke confidently without being afraid, and you were not shy, even though you are a daughter-in-law.” My mother-in-law also reflected that she rarely spoke up for herself at home in the past but has now started expressing her opinions more openly.

Seeing other women speak confidently in front of their fathers-in-law, brothers-in-law, and other respected men in the community made me realize that change is possible when people are given a safe space to reflect, speak, and listen to one another with respect. 

This may seem like a small change, but for our community it is an important step forward. It showed that when people come together and support each other, change is possible. Women can speak up, men can listen and support them, and the whole community can move forward together. The journey toward gender equality and community-led development is still long, but this small step has given me confidence that we are moving in the right direction.

म सहजकर्ता र त्रिवेणी समुदायको एक सदस्य हुँ। हालै मैले हाम्रो गाउँमा एउटा सानो तर महत्वपूर्ण परिवर्तन देख्न पाएँ।

हाम्रो समुदायमा पितृसत्तात्मक सोचको धेरै प्रभाव छ। विशेषगरी बुहारीहरू र युवा महिलाहरूले आफ्ना ससुरा, जेठाजु तथा समुदायका सम्मानित पुरुषहरूको अगाडि बोल्नु हुँदैन भन्ने मान्यता छ। त्यसैले महिलाहरूले समुदायका बैठकहरूमा खुलेर आफ्नो विचार राख्ने अवसर कम पाउँछन्।

हामी समुदायमा समूह SALT सत्र सञ्चालन गरिरहेका छौं। परम्पराअनुसार पुरुष र महिलाहरू एउटै बैठकमा बसेर खुलेर बोल्दैनन्, त्यसैले हामी प्रायः छुट्टाछुट्टै बैठक गर्ने गर्थ्यौं।

तर, हाम्रो साझेदार संस्था CWSN को समुदाय भ्रमणका बेला हामीले पुरुष र महिलालाई सँगै राखेर संयुक्त बैठक गर्ने निर्णय गर्‍यौं। यो हाम्रो समुदायका लागि नयाँ कुरा थियो, त्यसैले मानिसहरूले कसरी प्रतिक्रिया दिन्छन् भन्ने हामीलाई थाहा थिएन।

हाम्रो खुसीको कुरा, पुरुष र महिला दुवैले सक्रिय रूपमा सहभागिता जनाए। महिलाहरूले आत्मविश्वासका साथ समुदायका समस्याहरूबारे बोले र समाधानका उपायहरू पनि बताए। उनीहरूले आफ्ना ससुरा, जेठाजु तथा अन्य सम्मानित पुरुषहरूको अगाडि खुलेर आफ्नो विचार राखे, जुन पहिले निकै कम देखिन्थ्यो।

महिलाहरूको साहस र आत्मविश्वासले सबैलाई प्रभावित बनायो। धेरै महिलाहरूले यसअघि सार्वजनिक रूपमा कहिल्यै बोलेका थिएनन्, तर त्यस दिन उनीहरूले खुलेर आफ्ना विचार राखे।

अर्को राम्रो कुरा के थियो भने पुरुषहरूले पनि महिलाहरूका कुरा ध्यान दिएर सुने। उनीहरूले महिलाहरूको विचारलाई सम्मान गरे र समुदायका समस्याहरूको समाधान खोज्न सँगै छलफल गरे। मैले पहिलो पटक हाम्रो समुदायमा यस्तो एकता र आपसी सम्मान देखेँ।

यो अनुभव मेरो लागि निकै अर्थपूर्ण थियो, किनकि म केवल सहजकर्ता (Facilitator) मात्र नभई यही समुदायकी बुहारी पनि हुँ। बैठकमा मेरा आफ्नै ससुरा पनि उपस्थित हुनुहुन्थ्यो। सुरुमा समुदायमा हुर्कंदै आएका सामाजिक मान्यताका कारण मलाई बोल्न अलि अप्ठ्यारो र डर लागिरहेको थियो। तर मैले सोचेँ, यदि म नै हिच्किचाएँ भने अन्य महिलाहरूका लागि उदाहरण बन्न सक्दिनँ। त्यसैले मैले साहस जुटाएँ र बैठक सफलतापूर्वक सञ्चालन गरेँ।

SALT ले मलाई आफ्ना शक्ति र क्षमताहरू चिन्न मद्दत गरेको छ। यसले मेरो श्रीमान् र परिवारसँगको सम्बन्ध पनि अझ राम्रो बनाएको छ। SALT मार्फत मैले आफ्नो डर र लाजमर्दो स्वभावलाई धेरै हदसम्म हटाउन सकेकी छु। यसले मेरो आत्मविश्वास बढाएको छ र आफ्ना लागि तथा समुदायको हितका लागि आवाज उठाउने साहस दिएको छ।

सत्रपछि मेरा ससुराले निकै सकारात्मक प्रतिक्रिया दिनुभयो। घरमा हामीबीच धेरै छलफल हुने गर्दैन, तर त्यो दिन उहाँले भन्नुभयो, “तिमीले आफ्नो डर जितेकी रहेछौ। बुहारी भएर पनि नडराई र नलजाई आत्मविश्वासका साथ बोलेकी थियौ।”

मेरी सासूआमाले पनि पहिले घरमा आफ्ना कुरा खुलाएर भन्न नसक्ने गरेको तर अहिले आफ्ना विचार र राय खुलेर व्यक्त गर्न थालेको बताउनुभयो।

समुदायका ससुरा, जेठाजु तथा अन्य सम्मानित पुरुषहरूको अगाडि महिलाहरूले आत्मविश्वासका साथ आफ्ना विचार व्यक्त गरेको देख्दा, मानिसहरूलाई सोच्ने, बोल्ने र एकअर्काको कुरा सम्मानपूर्वक सुन्ने सुरक्षित अवसर दिइयो भने परिवर्तन सम्भव छ भन्ने महसुस भयो।

यो परिवर्तन सानो जस्तो लाग्न सक्छ, तर हाम्रो समुदायका लागि यो ठूलो उपलब्धि हो। यसले देखाएको छ कि जब सबैले बोल्ने मौका पाउँछन्, र आफूले बोलेको कुरालाई अरूले सम्मानका साथ सुनेर राम्रो भनेको अनुभव गर्छन्, तब सकारात्मक परिवर्तन सम्भव हुन्छ। सबैले एकअर्काको सम्मान गर्दै सँगै काम गर्दा समुदाय अझ बलियो बन्छ। महिलाहरूले आफ्नो आवाज उठाउन सक्छन्, पुरुषहरूले उनीहरूलाई साथ दिन सक्छन्, र समुदाय सँगै अगाडि बढ्न सक्छ।

लैङ्गिक समानता र समुदायको विकासका लागि अझै धेरै काम गर्न बाँकी छ। तर यो सानो कदमले हामी सही बाटोमा अघि बढिरहेका छौं भन्ने विश्वास दिएको छ।

 

[Madhu]

Ritu, my father in reaction was very positive and he told me that my courage and confidence has increased than before. 

[Rituu B. Nanda]

Wonderful Madhu. What was your father-in-law's response to your facilitation?