When Silence Speaks: A Family SALT Experience from a Marginalized Community

[Prakriti]

An attempt was made to have an individual SALT conversation with a 23-year-old woman from a marginalized community. When the facilitators arrived at her home, she was alone. They greeted her warmly and tried to start a conversation, but she refused to talk. The next day, they visited again, but this time she did not even open the door. This was unexpected, especially because all the facilitators were women. Feeling concerned and curious, the team spoke with a neighbor to understand the situation. The neighbor shared a complex and difficult family story. The woman’s husband had two wives. After 11 years of marriage, the first wife had not been able to have a child and faced strong social pressure and stigma. In response, she encouraged her husband to remarry and even helped arrange the second marriage. Within one year, the second wife gave birth to a son. Two years later, both wives gave birth to one son each. Altogether, the family had three boys. However, the family situation was not peaceful. According to the neighbor, there were frequent conflicts in the household. The husband did not allow his wives to talk to others when he was not at home and was very suspicious.

After discussing this information, the team decided to conduct a Family SALT session. When they visited again, all family members were present.

The conversation started with the husband. He spoke about his efforts to keep the family together and his struggles to provide for his three sons while trying to build a stable life in Nepal. The first wife then shared her story. She said that the early years of her marriage were happy. But after 11 years without children, people in the community began to make hurtful comments. As a community leader, she once overheard people questioning the value of her work because she had no children. This deeply hurt her. She returned home and asked her husband to remarry, eventually arranging it herself. After the second marriage, children were born, and for some time, the family seemed stable. However, things slowly became worse. The husband began to listen more to relatives and neighbors, which created mistrust toward his wives. He became suspicious, and his alcohol use made the situation more difficult. There were also incidents of domestic violence. The first wife shared that even though the husband earned money, she had to take full responsibility for managing the household. The second wife was quiet at first. With encouragement, she shared her experience. She said that before marriage, her life was simple, even though she was poor. She was married at the age of 14 and became a mother at 15. At that time, she did not have citizenship documents. Because her husband already had a wife, she could not get legal recognition after marriage. She expressed deep regret and said that marrying a man who already had a wife was the biggest mistake of her life. She talked about the lack of emotional support, legal identity, and security in her life. Even now, she does not have citizenship, a marriage certificate, or birth certificates for her two children.

Through the Family SALT process, many connected issues became clear. The husband often shared private family matters with relatives and neighbors. Their opinions influenced him and increased conflict in the household. He trusted outsiders more than his own family, which created more suspicion and division. Another major issue was the legal status of the second wife and her children. Nepali law only recognizes one legal marriage, so the second wife has no legal rights. Although divorce from the first wife could help provide legal documents for the second wife, the husband is not willing to do so, even though the first wife is ready. This experience highlighted two main challenges. The first is the husband’s deep trust issues, which continue to create conflict in the family. The second is the urgent need for legal identity and documents for the second wife and her children. This is especially important because their eldest child is already nine years old and still does not have a birth certificate.

This case shows how social norms, legal barriers, and family relationships can strongly affect the lives of marginalized families. It also shows the importance of building trust and creating safe spaces for open dialogue through approaches like SALT.