Comment

Comment by Autry Haynes on February 20, 2011 at 4:26pm

Thanks Mitu for sharing. The "... several questions raised" should concern every citizen the world over. I agree that females sould be involved in actions to prevent violence against them but shouldn't activities engage males as well? Our effort should be for "win win" situations.

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 20, 2011 at 3:56pm

Performance held by “Asmita” group of artists under the “Garima project” by a N.G.O “Ekatra” in collaboration with Lok-Kala Manch, in New Delhi, had everyone in tears by the end of the play. The play titled –“TERI MERI USKI BAAT”, held by Asmita group raised several questions which need to be raised by every citizen in today`s India.

A girl playing the role of a minor raped at the age of 7 years , asked the audience- “why was my schooling stopped, why did my friends stop playing with me, why was I being singled out and pointed out everywhere I went ,what was my fault. No one blamed the rapist; it was my life which stopped. The rape happened when I did not even realize what has happened to me, I knew of only the physical pain. My parents did not want to go to police because I would be stigmatized. Today the physical pain is no longer, but it has been replaced by a mental pain at a much deeper level- the pain of being violated, the pain of being rejected by my friends, the pain of my own stopping my life where it was. WHY? Why should be the stigma on me, when I did no wrong?”

Another girl played out the role of a minor girl whose marriage was fixed up by her parents, even without consulting her at a tender age when she was not even 18 years old. The vows of the marriage included- “I will never speak out against my husband”, “I will never ask my husband anything if he comes late”, “I will tolerate all abuses”, “I will bring gifts from my parents for my husband and in laws throughout my life” and “I will never give birth to any girl child throughout my life” among other such vows. The play showed her life after she became pregnant with a daughter. Her parents refused to support her, her siblings refused to help her save the baby, and when she went to her husband, he kicked her and beat her up mercilessly in order to cause her abortion. The whole theater rang out with her screams – “PLEASE SAVE MY DAUGHTER, PLEASE DO NOT KILL HER “.

Another part of the play showed a young bride being burnt to death on her first day in her in laws house because her parents did not give her a MARUTI 800 in her marriage.

The play ended by various un-answered questions- why does the government say –“if a female comes out on streets after 8 p.m, she`s bound to be raped”, “where is a female safe- she is no longer safe in the one place which was considered safest-A mother`s womb”, “why do we stop our daughters and sisters from living their life, rather than stopping the criminals from their criminal acts/rather than ensuring their safety”.

One statement which summed it all was – ‘TODAY WOMEN DO NOT THINK WHETHER SHE WILL BE HARMED, TODAY EVERY FEMALE IN INDIA THINKS WHEN, HOW, WHERE SHE WILL BE HARMED/ATTACKED”.

The government has failed miserably to stop all these gender based violence. Today no woman, no girl, no female is safe. She faces multiple chances of being abused in every stage of life from womb to tomb. Today one woman is raped/assaulted/burnt to death/molested; tomorrow she can be my daughter/my sister/my mother or even me. No change can happen unless we all stand up as one to end this violence. It`s we who have to protest against every such case. It is not until every rape/every molestation/every murder is taken on a personal basis and on a war footing like “Justice for Jessica”, will this country become a safer woman. It is not until we start teaching our daughters to stop and report abuse the first time it occurs that we will be able to protect them. It is not until we stop seeing the victim as the wrong doer and start seeing her as a wronged one who needs our love and acceptance that the crime reporting will go up.

We all have to do it. We all have to stand up. As Deepak Chopra has rightly put it-“if you see injustice towards your neighbor and keep quite –next it will be your turn

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 16, 2011 at 2:57pm

Thanks  a lot Laurence for sharing Rebeka`s beautiful dream. I agree fully , that compromise is not true acceptance. Nor is submission because the victim is unable to do fight back- or do anything to stop the abuse.

Thanks Marijo for Sharing your dream for us- for one- dreaming is the first step in achieving anything in this world... and it is dreams which binds us together.

Dear friends, there has been a suggestion by Laurence that we change the name of the group. I am quoting Laurence-  "

I saw that you changed the name to 'Let's end Gender Based Violence'. I think that 'Let's end' is still a negative.

I would prefer something like 'Gender harmony', 'Living together as men and women', 'Gender competence', etc. Perhaps the best is to ask the question to the group? Do you want to ask the question?"

Dear friends, i would like your suggestions as to should we change the name of the group, and if yes what we should keep it. I am asking you because this group belongs to all of us, so lets try to learn the maximum from here.

thanks

Love

Mitu

Comment by Laurence Gilliot on February 16, 2011 at 11:37am

Rebeka Sultana's dream which she shared to me by email

I have a dream where we talk about peace and light. Even in bad relations people may have a tiny bit of light to save life or to stay in relationship. I wish every one see and works from that light. Every person has the nature to be violent, even in a compromised relationship the moment one compromise he/she is keeping the violence inside.It is not true acceptence.

Comment by MariJo on February 14, 2011 at 5:09pm

Dr. Mitu, thank you for sharing this dream with us. I think that dreaming is one of the most powerful tools available to all of us which can be used as a constant guide in our work and our lives.

I believe that dreaming has not been used enough, puting other 'more practical' actions in the front line, though leaving part of our human potential out of the list of resources. And this is specially true when dealing with issues that are so appalling in its nature as violence exerted against another human being.

So starting with sharing our dreams seems like a wonderful way of pulling together our dreaming capacity, and the positive energy that it brings to building a strong, common response.

My dream is that I would like to live in a world where women and men have found their way to live together acknowledging that our respective skills and capacities are a contribution for the communities we are living at, appreciating everyone's specificities and differences, and acting with responsibility for the wellbeing of the collective.

I dream of a world where power is expressed in terms of care and respect; where rights of all are ensured by practicing individual and collective responsibility.

I dream of a world where women and men (boys and girls) are valued by our own intrinsic worth as humans instead of doing so in relation to the role each one has been accorded by fixed patrons that result in a limitation of our strengths and capacities.

I dream of a world that encourages us all to being the best of ourselves independently of our sex, sexual identity, sexual preferences, gender or whatever other labeling. A world where children can experience that they are worthy for who they are.

I am sure that reading about your dreams will help me to shape my own. So I look forward to reading more about this.

warm regards

 

 

 

Comment by Laurence Gilliot on February 14, 2011 at 11:21am

Thank you so much Dr. Mitu. That is a beautiful dream.

What are your dreams Nicole, Marijo, Rituu, and also our male friends in this community? Can we build a dream together in terms of 'peaceful and loving relationships between men and women'?

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 12, 2011 at 4:02pm

Dream a dream

View more presentations from Mitu Khosla.

Comment by MariJo on February 10, 2011 at 11:30am

Dear Laurence and all,

When thinking of the amount of violence that women are suffering around the world I can feel my own anger grow inside, and it is that anger that I have used in the past to start action. But I realized that my own anger was part of the 'violence around' .

What I am trying to do in my life is to explore  my feelings of fear, shame or frustration so that they do not take the place of an excuse to react against the 'cause' of those feelings. And in doing so, I realized I could be more open to the feelings of others, I could see how they can react to their own feelings of fear, shame or frustration and then avoid reacting to their words while responding to their feelings.

I know there are expressions of extreme violence that cannot be 'cured' just like that in the short term. But I think we need to start by observing our closer surroundings (including our own heart) and my contribution to a peaceful world is through trying to increase my understanding of our human nature.

About gender challenges, that is the million dollar question. Again it is not easy, but I am learning to keep searching for (and trying to understand) what makes us different while keeping in mind that we are humans at the same time, that we share a common essential characteristic that makes us equal.

I could see the impact of this when doing gender workshops with both men and women. I could experience how the workshops flow through a richer path when looking for our commonalities and using difference for a better understanding than when focusing only in those things that make us confront each other.

For me, these personal experiences made a lot of a difference in my work towards a world where nobody has to suffer from violence of any kind.

love

Comment by Laurence Gilliot on February 10, 2011 at 4:39am

Hi dear friends,

 

I really want to know what we can do to cultivate peaceful, harmonious relationships in our own life.

What do you do in your day-to-day life to bring in love and compassion?

How do you deal with challenges related to gender?

 

We have talked a fair bit about advocacy in this group. I guess I'm interested to know what we can do at community and family level. Because local responses happen at local level. Because we believe that Community Life Competence starts with ourselves and our community.

 

I guess I also have a need to see men as equal partners in this. I want to know how we can change the situation in the longer term. How we, as facilitators, can play a role in this.

 

With love,

 

Laurence

Comment by Rituu B. Nanda on February 5, 2011 at 3:13pm

Dear Mitu,

I welcome Sonal and Susmita to this group. And request Mitu, Sonal and Susmita to get in touch with with each other as together we can do much more.

 

Sonal Singh Wadhwa

http://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/SonalSinghWadhwa?xg_source=p...

 

Susmita Roy

http://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/SusmitaRoy?xg_source=profile...

 

Warmly,

Rituu

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