Comment

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 5, 2011 at 3:06pm

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 3, 2011 at 2:27pm

Dear Friends,

A global walk is being organized against the millions of daughters being killed in India before their birth. Please check out the links below and please be a part of this movement to stop female feticide and female infanticide in India.
Please find below links to all the pages for all the cities/countries.

1.San Francisco- http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=199098917300
2.Chandigarh (India) - http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=194825327195391
3.Delhi- http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=144863562232857
4.Uganda- http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_168484523169781
5.Melbourne- http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=441187895152
6.Jamshedpur (India)- http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=309647818298
7.Pondicherry- http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=265642588805
8.Toronto- http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_121969701202110
9.Mumbai- http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=169613966418120
10.Washington- http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=186362634719307
11.Goa- http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=189649737729817
12.Chennai-http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=175515722492233
13.Shriganganagar- http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=144863562232857&ref=notif...

Thanks. Please be there... lets make a change for the unborn daughters of India. 

Comment by Nicole Rhonda Cole on February 1, 2011 at 8:01am

Dear Dr. Mitu,

Do you think we need more ACCOUNTABILITY from our MALES as it relates to their "use of violence"? Unless our JUSTICE SYSTEM is willing to "make an example" of the "PERPETRATORS" then the Cycle will continue! Until our GIRLS are prepared to DEFEND THEMSELVES, the cycle will continue! When our GIRLS are taught to VALUE THEMSELVES then will the Violent Cycle End!

Comment by Nicole Rhonda Cole on February 1, 2011 at 7:38am

Dear Dr. Mitu,

We will then need to advocate for better "PARENTING" that is "NON VIOLENT" because as you rightly posit "it is more of the fact that children have been seeing this happen in families..." My ex-finacee did witness his father's BRUTALISATION of his mother (cuts to the face, loss of teeth, broken bones); what was even more "Psychotic" is that she believed that I DID NOT LOVE HER SON LIKE SHE LOVED HIS FATHER because I Fought for my Right and my life! She tried to convince her son that it was "LACK OF LOVE" that made I take a stand! How can a Woman encourage their son's wives, fiancee, to aCCEPT abuse? Why did she take it in the first place? Is this LOVE? If this is LOVE then the GODS MUST BE CRAZY to allow such PAIN and SUFFERING!

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 1, 2011 at 7:11am

Dear Nicole thats what I am saying , that children learn what they see.  I said  " It is more of the fact that children have been seeing this happen in families , and they do this when they grow up. If a feeling of mutual respect is inculcated right from chidhood in members of both sexes , I think the problem can be solved."

 So if they see their father beating up their mother, sons will do that when they grow up, and girls will take the abuse when they grow up. But where does the cycle stop- How to stop the cycle of violence is the question we have here.

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on February 1, 2011 at 7:11am

He Gave Me Roses

I got flowers today.
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had out first argument last night, And
He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said because
He sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and
Started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry because
He sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today and it wasn't Mother's Day
Or any other special day.
Last night he beat me up again and
It was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him what will I do ?
How will I take care of my kids ?
What about money ?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
I know he must be sorry because
He sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.  Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and
Strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.

-- Author Unknown

Comment by Nicole Rhonda Cole on February 1, 2011 at 2:46am

Dear Friends,

A Teacher succumbed after being beaten with a cutlass by her Husband on New Year's Day; she was in ICU for four weeks, she briefly regained consciousness before breathing her last breath! She was a Teacher at a Nursery School! She has left two young Sons, one 17, one 6; How will they treat women after witnessing their father BRUTALISING their mother Dr. Mitu?

Comment by Nicole Rhonda Cole on January 31, 2011 at 11:58pm

Dear Friends,

Men are taught to use violence by the Military, Police and other Sports that glorify the use of violence. For example (wrestling). When boys are grown up in homes where violence is used as a means to solve conflicts then they learn that behaviour through the "Adults' who model that behaviour to them; they then become 'perpetrators" by using the violence they saw whilst growing up  to solve conflicts which results in irreparable harm to their spouses. For the Girl who endures the same scenario she learns to accept violence from her spouse and to blame herself for him hitting her which is a Fallacy! Again if our Boys are allowed to express their negative emotions positively (crying) then their RAGE will be less in times of conflict. Anger management therapy can help to arrest their RAGE but I insist that it is time our Girls are taught "SELF DEFENCE"!!!!

Comment by Dr Mitu Khurana on January 31, 2011 at 2:48pm

Dear Friends,

Yes a rich conversation- but also a sad one. for once I do not know the answer to the question of why men are violent towards their female counterparts. I guess it is more of a ego thing, or perhaps a control issue. It is more of the fact that children have been seeing this happen in families , and they do this when they grow up. If a feeling of mutual respect is inculcated right from chidhood in members of both sexes , I think the problem can be solved.

I also agree with the fact that violence increases violence which further increases violence. But the fact is women need to know martial arts not to use it as a tool to abuse men, but to defend themselves.

Like I said earlier, I believe that violence is not entirely gender specific, though to a large extend it is.

I suess we all need to start lessons for anger management along with Martial arts classes right from childhood. I have bought my children two dummy toys, they have been tought to express their anger on them, rather than each other, because they do not get hurt and the relationships do not sour.

But yes If someone is abusing my daughters , i would prefer them to stop it the first time it starts , rather than allowing it to come to a level , when it is like a volcano waiting to erupt.

Comment by MariJo on January 31, 2011 at 12:50pm

 

Dear all, what a rich conversation!

It is really a tough issue that has not easy way forward. And it is frustrating at times to see how the system (the violent system we are immerse at) pushes us to 'stand' against the violent. But, don't you think that it is like fight fire with fire? I am wondering if this violent system does make most of us violent beings in different ways while we think to be 'fighting' against violence.

Do we need to focus on the 'expressions' of violence or else on the causes that make us react in such ways that put other people in risk of suffering from our decisions/actions?

I would like to share with you a definition used at a background paper for an online course on 'Violence against HIV positive women'. We tried to frame the issue so that we could reflect on the fact that violence addressed to HIV positive women is not different from any other violence but an expression of it

'In a broad sense, violence [... ] one of the elements that sustains and perpetuates an unequal society in which some people have control over others in a hierarchical scale of power which is based on exploiting differences between people.

Given this understanding, the violence which keeps this system in place becomes part of the system, and condoned by society. Violence is used to achieve and assert power and control over others, and becomes accepted (to greater or lesser degrees) as part of normal social structures.'

So we understand that it is not that men are violent while women aren't. Both men and women express themselves differently in a 'violent system'. I think this can offer a different path for addressing the issue... and I thought it might be of use for the discussion here.

You can read the background paper Final%20background%20paper%20VAWHIV

Lots of love.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 8
• 9
• 10
• 11
• 12
• 13
• Next ›
• Page