The Death we constructed

[Tianfang Liu]

Just got terrible news. My classmate, 32 years old, was diagnosed with Liver cancer in April and died on 6th, August. My feeling is kind of peculiar. We were not close friends, but just "hi" friends, and even hadn't  had a talk. While the common knowledge tells me I should be sad, an old story suddenly comes into my mind.

Zhangzi, a chief representative of Taoism, was singing cheerfully with beating a basin (accompany) for his wife's death when his friend came for condolence. After his friend's blame and complaints, he calmly said: Thank you for your coming. I did sorrow when my wife died. Then I realised, however, that she was lifeless, neither with  a shape(body) nor a Qi(pneuma),  before she lived. The original substance  slowly changed into a Qi, then got a shape, finally the life. Now she has become back into the lifeless original substance and rests in full peace. So should I cry for that?

If we construct birth and death like what Zhangzi did, we don't feel sorry and guilty of the death.

[Rituu B. Nanda]

Hi Tianfang,

That is a powerful. you might find this short blog from Phil Forth of interest

http://aidscompetence.ning.com/profiles/blogs/death-competence

Warmly,

Rituu

[Tianfang Liu]

Thank you for the links you provided, Rituu. I'm enjoying the story now.

[Nathalie Legros]

dear Tianfang,

thank you for sharing this news of your friend's death and the old Taoist story; I feel very close to you while reading your wise words about life and death; I can nearly touch the feeling of impermanence, and while sensing the sadness of a life ending, there is also the joy and gratefulness of the life here, in me, in you, around us; and these two: life and death mixing and melting in such a way that is makes one...

it takes me to my biggest challenge in the A of SALT, which is to appreciate situations or things as they are, even when they are confusing, uncomfortable or painful...

warm hugs,

Nathalie

[Tianfang Liu]

Nathalie, thank you for your appreciation.

What I understand from your words is being natural just as what the nature does. And this is the key of Taoism.

Thanks for your words.

Great hugs to you,

Tian

[Rituu B. Nanda]

Thanks Nathalie and Tianfang for your sharing. It has been very hard to cope with my father's death. I have tried my hardest to figure out how to celebrate his life and not mourn his passing, but that's not easy.  Once I am awakened to the fact that we are visitors here on earth, I will be at peace. Isaac Asimov remarked: "Life is pleasant.  Death is peaceful.  It's the transition that is troublesome." 

Another thought that comes to my mind today is that though we three of us live in different countries but we all bound by the cycle of birth and death.

[Nathalie Legros]

dear Rituu,

I feel your confusion and actually I share it: one thing is to KNOW that death is in continuity with life, another thing is to integrate it in the whole being (body, emotions...) and to LIVE according to it;

Today, exactly 16 years ago, I had a Near Death Experience, that moment in itself was beautiful as much as the reality of my life at that time was painful and difficult. Today, I am still alive and so are my 3 children who went through the same hardship.

16 years of life :-) thanks!

It feels to me that peace lies in living in the 'present moment': a way to inhabit very much the present, and to appreciate what is, here and now; not that it is about forgetting the past and the future, but rather that past and future are included in this very moment: you are the daughter of your father and in this very moment, that connection is alive, it is part of you; you are also a mother, at the very same time; this is Rituu, the one also in deep connection right now with Nathalie and Tianfang conversing on this intimate topic of life and death...

deep thanks to you both, Rituu and Tianfang, for your sharing, that has stimulated me to stop and reflect on these last 16 years,

Nathalie

[Gaston]

Fascinating dialogue. Rituu, what helped me to deal with such challenges is recognize how I am still the continuation of that person. If I look deeply inside and am not attached to a certain form of him, I can see that person is still really present inside of me. The person is still imprinted in my words, thoughts and actions and through my life I can continue their beautiful manifestation in different forms. That person didn't really 'die', they changed manifestation and continue in such remarkable and beautiful ways. 

If you think it's useful, take to look inside yourself and see the beautiful qualities of your father and bring these into the world through your life. You will see that he is still so alive inside of you! 

[Tianfang Liu]

What a fantastic description and wonderful experience for death.I usually imagine, in the dark, that my grandma is still living with me. Her appearence, body, action is still vivid in my mind. This would be more obvisous when I'm in a sad situation.

Thank you for your sharing, Gaston. Really amazing!

Regards

Tianfang

[Tianfang Liu]

Yeah, I agree with you two very much that we are connected to our late relatives or friends, and they are still a part of ourselves, which can not be removed by anything, neither time nor space.

I feel it so amazing to communicate with both of you  as well as all of the people at CLC. It is you and they who make my life prospered.

My sincere gratitude to you, Rituu and Nathalie as well as The CLC.

[Tianfang Liu]

Can we, for example, find within our sorrows a deeper appreciation for the
lives of those no longer with us? Can we count the many ways in which they
have enriched our lives and those of others? Indeed, can we locate within our
suffering an appreciation for the very fact that we suffer? Are such feelings not
a tribute to those we have lost, and a signal of the depth of our relationship?

From Positive Ageing Newsletter, Issue 79.

[Tianfang Liu]

Can we, for example, find within our sorrows a deeper appreciation for the
lives of those no longer with us? Can we count the many ways in which they
have enriched our lives and those of others? Indeed, can we locate within our
suffering an appreciation for the very fact that we suffer? Are such feelings not
a tribute to those we have lost, and a signal of the depth of our relationship?

From Positive Ageing Newsletter, Issue 79.

[Tianfang Liu]

One friend told me that I'm sad for the loss of your important other, but I'm also happy, at the same time, for the importance of our relationship. It is the importance of our relation that makes me feel sad for your loss.