Caca Carillo's Posts - Community life competence2024-03-29T11:26:29ZCaca Carillohttps://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/CacaCarillohttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/2523248774?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://aidscompetence.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=2rm4rf1guq9nq&xn_auth=nowhy do i love you? Let me count the waystag:aidscompetence.ning.com,2010-03-22:2028109:BlogPost:188242010-03-22T06:14:43.000ZCaca Carillohttps://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/CacaCarillo
I have written of how smitten I am about the ACP tools, Like all lovestruck person, i do not have the words to tell you why...but i could make attempts:<div>1. the tools doesnt have zero in it, which means that anyone<u><b>,ANYONE</b></u> has something that he/she can share.</div>
<div>2.it has goals, a lot of people (including me) sometimes get caught up with the immediate needs and concerns that we lose focus on what it is that we really want. Goal no.5 in the tool, gives a somewhat good…</div>
I have written of how smitten I am about the ACP tools, Like all lovestruck person, i do not have the words to tell you why...but i could make attempts:<div>1. the tools doesnt have zero in it, which means that anyone<u><b>,ANYONE</b></u> has something that he/she can share.</div>
<div>2.it has goals, a lot of people (including me) sometimes get caught up with the immediate needs and concerns that we lose focus on what it is that we really want. Goal no.5 in the tool, gives a somewhat good scaffolding from which to build on.</div>
<div>3. it recognizes that you can backslide from a higher score to a lower score but there is nowhere else to go from there but up.</div>
<div>4. The tool is not a law,(for the rebellious in all of us) it can be costumized.</div>
<div>5. It recognizes that you can work on any or all of the practices related to HIV programming, if you decide to work on 1 area, that's fine....</div>
<div>6. It confronts you kindly, and like love it brings out the best of you....</div>
<div>Im loving this life. all i can see is LOVe, im blinded!!!!</div>
<div>now, more and more things to be grateful everyday!!! Love it</div>
<div>:-)</div>feb.29,2010tag:aidscompetence.ning.com,2010-03-17:2028109:BlogPost:186172010-03-17T14:52:34.000ZCaca Carillohttps://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/CacaCarillo
My birthday is on the 29th of February, this year its non existent. its a convenient excuse for being THE strange one too...<div>I turned 31 this year.</div>
<div>When i was 25, i knew for sure that ill die when i turn 30, I have to!...think about wrinkles that come in your 30s and you cant party that much too, you have to do adult things and turn into a driftwood, a raisin too.Is that a life..eeeewwww.</div>
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<div>Im 31 and im still living</div>
<div>And its never been…</div>
My birthday is on the 29th of February, this year its non existent. its a convenient excuse for being THE strange one too...<div>I turned 31 this year.</div>
<div>When i was 25, i knew for sure that ill die when i turn 30, I have to!...think about wrinkles that come in your 30s and you cant party that much too, you have to do adult things and turn into a driftwood, a raisin too.Is that a life..eeeewwww.</div>
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<div>Im 31 and im still living</div>
<div>And its never been better</div>
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<div>On my birthday i received a GIFT.....(well ive started getting it actually last year, feels like ive been opening the present for a whole year, and this year, i got to the smallest box hidden inside so many boxes that i started opening a year ago)</div>
<div>I just wish, i still had my family this year, but then again maybe this is my family's gift to me on my birthday, to remind me that they are never truly gone and in fact still remembers my birthday...I choke up with gratefulness.</div>
<div>I am just happier and feel more alive and grateful.</div>
<div>I have been given the gift of LOVE and insight. its like a whole new world full of the beating hearts of humanity, everything just clicked in place. and im not talking about the external circumstances of my life...The gift is more than that, its aum mane padme ohm, its the jewel in the lotus...</div>
<div>Why do I write bout this in this forum? because i have never understood or seen the competence framework as i see it now...New ways of thinking, new ways of working? I understood it when it was introduced,and developed a "crush" but now i do not only understand it. i am aching to share it with the world, I have fallen in love....and remember in your teens, when you get this feeling, you will burst anytime if you do not express this overwhelmingly good feeling inside you, you want to shout it to the world, because you want the world to share this joy?...</div>
<div>The world that we know (which is really just a soap opera that we "enjoy" is a reflection of the world we have inside of us)</div>
<div>If there is to be world peace, there has to be individual inner peace...</div>
<div>If there is to be no new HIV infections, There has to be inner love....If we all understand that we are loved beyond our futile descriptions of love, we will not look for it outside of us, putting our selves at risk of rejection,of disease and emotional pain...We dont have to.</div>
<div>Sure circumstances are there to teach us life lessons.</div>
<div>But if we just LISTENED, the lessons are there, we do not have to go thru the extremes of circumstances....I know now what trust and believing really truly means.</div>
<div>MY reality is different...its full of power and potential and joy...</div>
<div>I truly, truly pray that my friends working on HIV get this too.</div>
<div>I know people who have the most sincere of intentions, the purest of thoughts in helping People Living with HIV and AIDS. Have devoted their entire careers and lives in the advocacy....</div>
<div>Where are we now, the philippine epidemic is now rapidly expanding...</div>
<div>It is UNFAIR to blame anyone for what has happened and is continually happening.</div>
<div>What is interesting is to decide where to go from here...</div>
<div>and i have DECIDED that i can be the only person responsible for my own happiness, and OLD ways of thinking and doing does not make me happy anymore and im moving on.....</div>
<div>What i see has happened in the philippines is co-dependency...</div>
<div>I need you- you need me, I can only have access thru you- I can only feel self fulfillment (esteem) if people depend on me....I think its silly, its the sopa opera lives that we see on tv.</div>
<div>People living with HIV/AIDS are well people in fact all of us say that they have the same potentials as anyone else...then why do we feel "if were not here, who will help them" ARE WE REALLY HELPING THEM or are we helping ourselves feel better by having this feeling that people need us? That we derive self worth from doing the things we do?</div>
<div>We keep on saying were stressed, why do we continue to stay? do we enjoy the pity that people give us when they say "poor_____ is taking care of people,________doesnt have time to take care of himself" Do we feel self worth from these comments?</div>
<div>I think what this does, is disrespect your self, you continuously abuse your body in return for somethings that is always there inside all of us, peace, joy, happiness. every breathe we take means we are worthy...If we just LISTENED and not be caught up in this soap opera of externals. its a CHOICE.</div>
<div>I have given up taking care of people...(which does not mean i will not do it, just differently maybe) when i realized that we all are potentially as powerful as everyone is.we can take care of ourselves and people will take care of themselves. I think my advocacy has stopped being about HIV... I have decided to take on the advocacy of spreading LOVE and making people feel loved and worthy....</div>
<div>tomorrow we will have a meeting...if my team mates feel that new ways of thinking is not a solution to what they see is a growing concern-increasing HIV rates, (i see this as a symptom of a spiritual ailment/lack,want of love-the rates i mean) then i will let go.... I am just not going that way anymore....I have a journey and if people are going the same way im am going then it will be a fun joyful ride...get on the bus!!!!!</div>
<div>If not....I have decided, the deal is done, I am sure, I know</div>
<div>I am loved and taken cared of, my mission is service.</div>
<div>Only done in a different way- LOVING.</div>
<div>Sure im different.... hehehe i was born on the 29th of February anyways.</div>
<div>Its my life i live it. if people decide their soap opera lives of pain, pity and a deep well of despair-Then that's "the free will" that we are given,- the choice to live a life of fullness, joy and happiness, or live a soap opera life....</div>
<div>"our true essence is freedom"</div>
<div>Its a choice....I just hope when i share this GIFT i got on my birthday.....the people I share it with, will see its beauty and truth too.</div>
<div>Come get some, the magic of this gift is it grows day by day,I can only have MORE to share... its so unlike "things" that grow old and you get tired of.</div>
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<div>shhhhh</div>
<div>LISTEN friends......</div>
<div>everywhere and everything,is screaming LOVE everytime. take it, claim it, its our birthright! (and i perfectly "got it" on my birthday. OMG my life is perfect!</div>
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<div>But then again, i was born of the 29th of february...(shrug)</div>
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<div>take it or leave it. But im offering it.</div>
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<div>Love and Light</div>
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<div>caca</div>
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<div><br/></div>27 - 31tag:aidscompetence.ning.com,2009-09-14:2028109:BlogPost:141842009-09-14T03:00:00.000ZCaca Carillohttps://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/CacaCarillo
Ive shaved my hair in january so this is not new, ive just kept the hair short, blow drying and worrying about the next "do" is taking up so much of my life, ive decided i can do better with my time.... and so with the hair went the make-up (some) and the high heels, (now this is a different story), but i figured out balancing on 3 inch heels could be fun if i didnt have anything elese to do. but between balancing my sanity and balancing on heels. i chose the former.<br />
so now, 4 inches more on my…
Ive shaved my hair in january so this is not new, ive just kept the hair short, blow drying and worrying about the next "do" is taking up so much of my life, ive decided i can do better with my time.... and so with the hair went the make-up (some) and the high heels, (now this is a different story), but i figured out balancing on 3 inch heels could be fun if i didnt have anything elese to do. but between balancing my sanity and balancing on heels. i chose the former.<br />
so now, 4 inches more on my waist and every where else. I went back to my blog to tell the world that as a true butterfly, I have again morphed into a slob.<br />
I still do my yoga and I have also incorporated some light weights to counter the effects of gravity on advancing age....<br />
Anyways, I would like to share an experience working with faith groups. I have to admit that coming in that 10 day training of facilitators, I was asking myself "why woiuld i want to be there?" I have for the longest time, not called my GOD any names. and though i keep my opinions about religion to myself. I cant help asking why "the personal friend/ force" would have to have names, it just creates a devide. I told myself that by training I am to look at people as people irregardless of whatever background they may have, whoever they maybe. They are, like me, just human and share the same universal language of feelings. To say that I am skeptical of what this group can do for HIV is an understatement.<br />
Into the training, I heard stories (AND JUDGEMENTS) from my co-participants, I also thought that they lived perfect,happy lives. (i also heard some pastors telling a gay man, that the only way to have sex is to marry, now this wasnt told to me directly, and I wouldnt know if i could sit still as participant is I was told so) ( FIY: for those unaware sexual orientation is NOT a choice if it was i would have chosen to be a straight FEMALE for now ( i think) I am) And though much of what was discussed wasnt new to me (the course included HIV 101) there were some DRIVING POINTS i found just FABULOUS, ( I wanted to teach the pastors say "FABULOUS" ) The bottom lesson was: its we/US not them-referring to MARPS or those practicing "UNLAWFUL" activities. For that rwealization from my co-participants, I could fall on my knees and cry.<br />
<br />
Anyways, I was told that there's a reason why I was chosen to attend the training, and that GOD knows. ( i took me 2 weeks after to process it)<br />
<br />
20 days later, I got it: I have been working for the longest time for MARPS and groups working with MARPS. (nothing wrong with that) but not much (atleast in my province) is done for groups who are not MARPS (and are righteous). Now donors would ofcourse say work should be done for MARPS, because MARPS drive the epidemic, but I also learned that groups like the church who exclude those who are "UNLAWFUL" also need to get some HIV work in their system for 3 important reasons:<br />
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1. Members of the church (whatever church could be HIV infected or is at risk or could be at risk)<br />
<br />
2. It is the church's attitude of excluding (THEM) that drives away the MARPS from whatever support (spiritual/moral) they could get that could help protect themselves from HIV. (During the course I was thinking, if all those who equate SEX with LOVE: Sex Workers, MSM,blah,blah,blahANYONE, could feel the love and community that is there in the community of the church, then this LOOKING for LOVE might be filled, by this community love and so lessen the search for it= lessen the risks)<br />
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3. I have a lot of freinds working on HIV who are very passionate about their dislike of the church's reaction to MARPS to Reproductive Health to other issues that resonate well in our spirit. and have seen faith groups as resistors to the changes that we THINK will work for the best. It is with this VERY same exclusion of the faith groups of the people that we work with (MARPS) that we exclude faith groups in our work.<br />
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Now I have to resolved to work more with these groups. Now i wouldnt know how they would react to me, being a MARP and all, What they think of me is not my business anyway. so for now, I got that straight: We need to work with Faith Groups and other groups that consciously and as a system EXCLUDE the MARPS. It would take me double the effort, as compared to working with MARPS where I feel at home. But then again this might be the cross I am called on to carry.<br />
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I hope and pray, I dont turn righteous and a slob. (not saying that all of them are)<br />
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On second thoughts, ive ALREADY turned into a SLOB .<br />
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Im loving myself because of the love i feel all around.<br />
Life is good.well almost the sametag:aidscompetence.ning.com,2009-06-01:2028109:BlogPost:118632009-06-01T00:43:24.000ZCaca Carillohttps://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/CacaCarillo
Sorry for cross posting but this is also a pressing issue, well almost the same as HIV. at the bottom of the well we see OUR very own behavior. There are a lot of issues on HIV and most of them boil down to behavior some need for behavior modification, easier said than done. I know, im on the process myself. now.... climate change ....irresponsible throwing of trash, irresponsible use of stry packages. blah, blah blah...... Lets see the parallel and maybe well learn to manage HIV the same way…
Sorry for cross posting but this is also a pressing issue, well almost the same as HIV. at the bottom of the well we see OUR very own behavior. There are a lot of issues on HIV and most of them boil down to behavior some need for behavior modification, easier said than done. I know, im on the process myself. now.... climate change ....irresponsible throwing of trash, irresponsible use of stry packages. blah, blah blah...... Lets see the parallel and maybe well learn to manage HIV the same way there are plans to manage climate change.... just a thought.<br />
Let your voice be heard: http://www.one.org/international/climate/signed.html?id=974-4180642-R9dtPQx&t=2<br />
SHOUT for PLANET EARTH! Planet earth forever! and the human race in all its colors, forms and shapes forever.<br />
beauty, truth, justice and world peace ya all!!!!!new no-hairtag:aidscompetence.ning.com,2009-01-05:2028109:BlogPost:55362009-01-05T05:47:39.000ZCaca Carillohttps://aidscompetence.ning.com/profile/CacaCarillo
its been two weeks of slump in the philippines, the longest holiday in history (11 days).<br />
Cleaned my junk, and with all the accumulated dust and mess in my house went all the accumulated negative energies and my hair.<br />
I was just in THAT zone this past two weeks, I have this queer (ofcourse) feeling that I need to revisit things and really look into what is important for me and for all the I am ready to mean and for all that I am ready to stand for. so shaved goes the head, ive been spending so…
its been two weeks of slump in the philippines, the longest holiday in history (11 days).<br />
Cleaned my junk, and with all the accumulated dust and mess in my house went all the accumulated negative energies and my hair.<br />
I was just in THAT zone this past two weeks, I have this queer (ofcourse) feeling that I need to revisit things and really look into what is important for me and for all the I am ready to mean and for all that I am ready to stand for. so shaved goes the head, ive been spending so much time dieing it, curling it, cutting it, been grossly bitchy on bad hair days. that hair has to go. let it go.<br />
Now this is after my trip to cebu, where I met with pierre and the HIV workers from all over the visayas and minadano islands. and people were kind of surprised that i am strangely quiet and unattached to the issues, not very animated and just BORING. I dont know, as with my hair, Ive been there and done that, that nothiong is really new to me att all in this forums, weve been talking about these things for as long as I can remember, my hair has been, curled,stretched, blong,red,brown,streaked and god knows whatever else, and the issues are still the same, but then I have to remind myself that that is exactly why they are issues, they remain to be resolved.<br />
anyways. I shaved my head, I am yet to have my picture taken, because I feel like I need to let go of all the issues, for the meantime, and start a new.<br />
Like with my hair, im now starting from shaved and lets see what it comes to be in the next few weeks or months, maybe itll stay shaved to remind me to let go<br />
now I know its not very AIDS competency to say ill let go of the issues for now, because for me competency means striving up until you become competent.<br />
But then again I told pierre Im so "been there" that I want to start from zero and look at these issues in a new perspective, maybe that can get me excited in the advocacvy again.<br />
I dont know This is what I think of all our efforts on HIV:<br />
First: it would simply be evil to see this virus spread like wildfire and sit down and not do anything, so whatever we do about it, is good,better,best than just see it spread like wildfire and do nothing<br />
Second: The virus will take its course no matter what we do Hell maybe its meant to be that way, it can wipe human existence from the face of the planet<br />
Third: We do what we can, but just let go of the fact that its going to run its course no matter what we do.<br />
Not very optiistic, huh? but very true, and i guess for now Im comfortable with my shaved head and that sad but true fact for HIV and my work.<br />
cheers!here's to all the best that's yet to come in the work that we do!