Why communicate?

[ukeme okon]

 

Communicating is the act of sharing or exchange information. A two rooms having one connecting doors.

What if you know you can do a better job of communicating
and connecting with people (or someone else
in your life) and you just don't know where or how to
start?

Most of us feel that way at some time in our
relationships building and lives.

Sometimes it's a one-time challenge and other
times, you've been in a pattern of non-communicating
or mis-communicating and you just don't know how
to get out of it.

When this happens (or if this is happening now)...

What do you do?

How do you shift the communication?

How do you get unstuck?

Kind of likely challenges faced while communicating!!!!!!!! Do we see language barrier as one of the challenges?

Very often, some new communication and
connection skills can make all the difference.

[Laurence Gilliot]

Hi Ukeme,

 

I just did a two day workshop on Non Violent Communication (NVC) and I have been using this method for 3 years now. I find it extremely useful to connect with my own feelings and the needs behind those feelings but also to communicate in a more loving and compassionate way.

 

The idea is that we have negative emotions because our needs are not being met. So, another person can never be the cause of our feelings. We are responsible for our feelings. So, we don't need to blame the other person. But we can express our feelings and unmet need so that they have a bigger chance to being met in the future.

 

NVC proposes a 4 step process:

- Express the observation: This is an objective description of what happened, the facts

ex: When last night you told me 'You can do better'...

- Express your feelings: there are 5 kind of feelings that can vary from mild to strong. They are anger, sadness, happy, fear and shame

ex: ... I felt sad...

- Express your needs: We all have the same universal need like love, acceptance, safety, food, sleep, peace, creativity, etc.

ex:... because I have a need for acceptance that is not being met

So, the whole sentence would be 'When last night you told me 'You can do better', I felt sad because I have a need for acceptance'.

 

For more on NVC: https://www.cnvc.org/

Watch a beautiful video from Marchall Rosenberg, the founder: http://aidscompetence.ning.com/video/non-violent-communication-a

 

One really important thing is to practice deep listening. It means that you are present for the other person when they are sharing, without judging what they say, without comparing with your own experience, without preparing the next thing to say, without offering advice or trying to fix it. If you practice