its been two weeks of slump in the philippines, the longest holiday in history (11 days).
Cleaned my junk, and with all the accumulated dust and mess in my house went all the accumulated negative energies and my hair.
I was just in THAT zone this past two weeks, I have this queer (ofcourse) feeling that I need to revisit things and really look into what is important for me and for all the I am ready to mean and for all that I am ready to stand for. so shaved goes the head, ive been spending so much time dieing it, curling it, cutting it, been grossly bitchy on bad hair days. that hair has to go. let it go.
Now this is after my trip to cebu, where I met with pierre and the HIV workers from all over the visayas and minadano islands. and people were kind of surprised that i am strangely quiet and unattached to the issues, not very animated and just BORING. I dont know, as with my hair, Ive been there and done that, that nothiong is really new to me att all in this forums, weve been talking about these things for as long as I can remember, my hair has been, curled,stretched, blong,red,brown,streaked and god knows whatever else, and the issues are still the same, but then I have to remind myself that that is exactly why they are issues, they remain to be resolved.
anyways. I shaved my head, I am yet to have my picture taken, because I feel like I need to let go of all the issues, for the meantime, and start a new.
Like with my hair, im now starting from shaved and lets see what it comes to be in the next few weeks or months, maybe itll stay shaved to remind me to let go
now I know its not very AIDS competency to say ill let go of the issues for now, because for me competency means striving up until you become competent.
But then again I told pierre Im so "been there" that I want to start from zero and look at these issues in a new perspective, maybe that can get me excited in the advocacvy again.
I dont know This is what I think of all our efforts on HIV:
First: it would simply be evil to see this virus spread like wildfire and sit down and not do anything, so whatever we do about it, is good,better,best than just see it spread like wildfire and do nothing
Second: The virus will take its course no matter what we do Hell maybe its meant to be that way, it can wipe human existence from the face of the planet
Third: We do what we can, but just let go of the fact that its going to run its course no matter what we do.
Not very optiistic, huh? but very true, and i guess for now Im comfortable with my shaved head and that sad but true fact for HIV and my work.
cheers!here's to all the best that's yet to come in the work that we do!

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Comment by Laurence Gilliot on January 6, 2009 at 11:38pm
Dear Caca,

Thanks a lot for your message, nice parallel between your hair and how you feel inside, what stage of life you are at :-)
I fully understand what you mean by "letting go" (I'm doing a lot of yoga and meditation as well). But... I think that letting go can bring us much further than believing that we cannot really do anything to stop the virus.
I think that "letting go" is also an essential element of the AIDS Competence Process, which we see as a solution to stop the spread of the virus...

If we let go of the fear of contracting the virus, we can finally open the discussion about HIV in our families, with our friends our colleagues...
If we let go of our prejudices towards others, we can come to a deeper understanding of each others suffering and happiness
If we let go of our tendancy to want to control, we can trust the capacity of people to deal with their life issues
If we let go of all the things we have learned and opinions we have shaped, we can connect to all human beings and FEEL our common humanity.

For me, the AIDS Competence Process is a catalyser to do this...
So, there is hope. Because, from experience we see that wherever people take ownership of life issue (often with the support of a facilitation team), they become AIDS Competent... they talk about HIV, they protect themselves, their realize their full potential (even when infected).

You are essential in this journey!

Mindful hug

Laurence

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